


can i be undone?

by nyoom15



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Avengers (2012), could be read as pre-stony but up to the reader, team lives in the tower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:15:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21682051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyoom15/pseuds/nyoom15
Summary: “You okay?”Tony glared. “Why does everyone keep asking me that? I’m fine.”An insensitive reporter inadvertently asks a question that sends Tony into a downward spiral of painful memories. Steve refuses to let him fall.
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Tony Stark
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	can i be undone?

**Author's Note:**

> no i'm not projecting my issues onto my favourite characters why do you ask

“Mr Stark, now that you’re officially an Avenger, how does it feel being in the real world of superheroes? How is your contribution to the team going to change?”

Tony couldn’t help but stiffen, but kept his shiny press smile in place.

The press conference had been called in response to SHIELD finally changing Tony’s status on the files from consultant to Avenger. Not that it would actually change anything. He would keep supplying the team with new tech, and continue to fight the bad guys with them as usual. A formality, but one that had still made Tony squash down an unfamiliar feeling in his stomach.

Tony had braced himself for abrasive questions at the conference. But why did the reporter have to ask _that_?

Before he could think of an answer, he was more than a little surprised when his teammates leapt to his defence.

Steve brought out his disappointed face, a truly shame-inducing sight, and spoke before Tony even opened his mouth. “Ma’am, I don’t appreciate what you’re implying. Tony Stark has been a valuable member of the Avengers since the beginning, no matter his official label.”

Bruce and Thor were sitting close enough to notice Tony’s sudden tension and both gave him worried looks. Clint tapped his foot reassuringly against Tony’s under the table. 

Steve’s declaration threw the room temporarily into silence, before it exploded with more questions. Tony was already on edge, and shrunk further into himself at the rising volume.

Natasha stood imperiously. “I think we’re done here.” The rest of the team quickly followed suit, no one in the room daring to argue. Bruce grabbed Tony’s arm and pulled him out of the room.

Once they were out of earshot, Steve turned to him. “Tony, are you okay? That was pretty rude of her.”

Tony nodded, avoiding eye contact. “Fine, Cap. I can handle one rude reporter. You know me, reporters like that roll off my back like, like… what’s the word?” Shit, now he was rambling.

“Water,” Natasha supplied.

“Like water, exactly.” With some difficulty, he pulled his arm out of Steve’s grip and kept walking, heading outside. His self control was rigid; locked in place, but fragile. It wouldn’t take much more to break it, so time to make a quick exit.

He blew off the concerned questions and hurried to his car, shutting the door on their worried looks.

“The tower, Happy,” he said.

“Sure, boss.” A pause, and then. “You okay?”

Tony glared. “Why does everyone keep asking me that? I’m _fine_.”

They drove back in silence and Tony went straight to his lab and put it in lockdown mode. He didn’t want to see whatever the news was saying about the team or his reaction to that question.

That question. A sudden onslaught of memories and emotions stopped him dead, frozen in the middle of his workshop.

_How does it feel being in the real world?_

_Everyone exists in the real world except you. Not so easy, is it?_

_This is the real world, stop complaining._

Tony put his head in his hands.

\+ + +

He woke with a start. Ow.

Sleeping on the tiny couch in his workshop was a terrible idea every time he did it, but he never remembered that fact until the next time he had already slept twisted in the most convoluted positions possible.

He groaned and rubbed his eyes as he sat up. It was early enough that the sun wouldn’t be up yet. Still, he needed caffeine.

Stubbornly ignoring all thoughts of the press interview, he stumbled upstairs.

Most mornings - and afternoons - he ended up half asleep in the kitchen waiting for the coffee machine to spit out the liquid gold, but this time his routine was rudely interrupted.

Steve coughed lightly. A polite way of announcing his presence, but that didn’t stop Tony from jumping half a foot into the air.

“Jesus! I do have a heart condition, you know.”

“Sorry.” He actually did look guilty. How dare he sit at the table in his pajamas, with his toast, the pinnacle of human perfection, and still have puppy dog eyes that might even make Fury break. Tony waved a hand in response and turned back to his coffee.

He pretended not to notice Steve get up and walk closer. On purpose or not, he was between Tony and the exit. Anyhow he couldn’t escape without his coffee. Well played.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Tony groaned theatrically. “Everyone needs to stop asking me that. I’m over forty, not an angsty teenager.”

Steve stepped between him and the coffee machine, forcing him to look up. “You look terrible.”

“Thanks a lot.” He glanced at his reflection in the shiny surface of the fridge anyway, and crap. His eyes were red and puffy. He hadn’t realised how obvious it was that he’d been crying, and Steve was too polite to say it outright.

“Seriously, what that reporter said was out of line. It’s okay for you to be-”

Tony snapped. “It’s _not_ okay. It’s not okay for me to be thrown off by such a stupid question. It’s not okay that those words made me-” He cut himself off.

Steve frowned. “What do you mean, those words?”

Tony shook his head, trying to edge around him. “Doesn’t matter, now if you don’t mind I’ll just get my coffee and-”

Steve blocked his path. “No coffee until you tell me what’s going on.”

Tony narrowed his eyes. “I could just use the other coffee machine.”

“There isn’t another coffee machine.” Damn.

“Then I could use one of those coffee sachets that Clint uses- nope, actually, I can’t even make myself say it.” He made a show of pretending to gag.

Steve was not distracted; he raised an eyebrow, immovable.

Tony groaned. “You’re really not going to give me my coffee until I explain?” Steve nodded.

“Fine. My daddy was mean to me and I’m still not over it. Pathetic, right?” Tony took a deep breath, refusing to let his mask drop.

Steve’s brows furrowed. “Howard? What did he do?”

“I know you were best buddies, but he changed. He was obsessed with finding you.” Tony sighed. “His favourite thing to do other than search for Captain America and praise Captain America, was tell me how I was never good enough.”

He refused to look at Steve’s reaction. A little voice in the back of his head that sounded suspiciously like Howard whispered that Steve would probably agree with his old friend.

A bitter taste in his mouth, Tony continued. “He particularly liked to say how I didn’t live in the real world. How, until I worked hard and made a real difference in the world, I hadn’t experienced the real world and the difficulties that valuable people faced.”

Too late, Tony noticed the ache in his throat and hotness behind his eyes. He whirled and walked a few steps away, wiping his hand across his eyes angrily. He was so- Why was this still affecting him? It had been _decades_ since Howard had even been alive to say that to him.

“Tony...” Steve’s voice was choked.

“I know it’s stupid,” Tony muttered. “But when that reporter asked how it felt being in the real world-”

His legs were abruptly noodle-y and he sat down on the couch. He wrapped his arms around his knees and put his chin on them. Part of him violently protested at showing this much weakness in front of another person, but the other parts of him were too tired to care.

The couch dipped as Steve sat next to him. “Howard shouldn’t have said those things or treated you like that.”

Tony tightened his grip on his legs and shook his head. “It’s not like he was abusive. He never laid a hand on me, jesus.” Tony didn’t even know why he was defending him. “He just … when he said that, even when I was younger, it belittled every painful emotion or thing I had been through in my life. Just because it wasn’t _real life_ according to him, because I wasn’t facing the same challenges that he faced, he implied that my life wasn’t even worth being called _real_.” Tony closed his eyes. He wouldn’t cry.

Steve exhaled slowly. “And when the reporter asked how it felt being in the real world of the Avengers. She implied that nothing you did before your status officially changed had mattered.”

Without his permission, Tony’s next breath turned into a soft sob.

“Oh, Tony … I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” Steve sounded like he was panicking, but Tony couldn’t lift his head from his knees, couldn’t face him with tears on his face and pain that was surely written so clearly in his eyes.

“Tony,” Steve said helplessly. Tony felt a hesitant hand on his shoulder, a gentle tug, and he leaned into it. Why not? He was already humiliated. He slumped into Steve’s side and quietly let the tears go.

A while later, when Tony’s breathing had returned to normal, Steve nudged him. “You’re not asleep right?”

Tony shook his head and sat up. He knew when to take a hint. He went to get up from the couch, starting to ramble as he did. “Sorry about that Cap, why don’t we forget this ever happened and-” Steve pulled him back.

“Tony.” He stared down at his hands. “Look at me.”

A gentle hand on his chin, turning his head to face Steve’s. His eyes were unbearably soft and understanding, and Tony couldn’t look away.

“You are not weak for being affected by this, no matter how long ago it was. Howard should never have dismissed your experiences like that.” Steve swallowed. “No matter what happens, no matter if you save hundreds of people or just save yourself, your life matters.”

Tony scoffed and tried to look away, but Steve ducked to catch his eyes again. “Your life matters, and your emotions and experiences are important. No matter what Howard or any reporter has to say about it.”

Tony reached up to touch the hand still cupping his face, wonderingly. “Thanks, Steve.”

His voice was rough and raw. He took the words, not sure if he believed them or deserved them, but absorbed them like they were sunlight and he was a dying plant.

They stayed leaning on each other on the couch until the morning sun touched the room, and fell asleep in the warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are very appreciated!


End file.
